Do you find yourself ruminating or worrying… about how something went or how it will go? The emotion of dread that comes from this can feel practically debilitating. I will say that this happens to me more often that I’d like to admit… or at least it did until I learned how to get a grip on it. I discovered the truth that thoughts are just thoughts, and learned tangible tricks to reset my brain when this happens. Let’s take a moment to remember that brains have been around for one hundred something thousand years; and the main objective has always been, of course, survival.

As humans, we are biologically hardwired for connection. And equally wired to experience discomfort and fear when that sense of connection is threatened- whether there’s a true loss of connection or even a perceived or anticipated loss of connection. Human evolution has literally sewn in fear of rejection & rejection avoidance into our DNA. It’s profound biology- but simply put, this sensitivity to rejection is what gives us the framework for how to behave in society, work with one another, navigate relationships and otherwise, just fit in.

When we have experienced true rejection, sometimes the brain will be alerted by little triggers that it subconsciously notes. Then the brain frantically waves the red flag back and forth- that’s the moment when you feel your stomach churn or a lump in your throat, maybe your heart races and you feel a little pressure in your chest. The brain thinks it’s in danger again of the painful rejection it’s experienced before. This sets off a stress reaction- a cascade of detrimental effects to the body. It’s your body going into sympathetic mode- fight or flight. There’s no lion to run away from…just uncomfortable thoughts.

So here we are… flushed face, clammy hands, heart racing all because of some thoughts.

Time to practice the ongoing practice of talking back to your brain!

First of all, remember that sometimes our brains can work against us, leading to negative thoughts, self-doubt, and ultimately anxiety and/or depression. Start paying attention to when this is happening so you can implement these strategies to talk back to your brain so we can gain control of our thoughts and emotions.

The first step in talking back to the brain is to become aware of your thoughts. Take a few moments throughout the day to pause and observe what’s going on in your mind. Notice any negative thoughts or self-talk that comes up. Once you’ve identified these thoughts, you can start to challenge them.

One effective way to challenge negative thoughts is to ask yourself if they are really true. Often, our brains can create false beliefs, assumptions, or stories that can cause a downward spiral. By questioning the validity of these thoughts, you can begin to break the cycle of negative self-talk. Try writing in a journal, or speaking the thought outload. Sometimes just bringing the thought into the light of day can give you more clarity.

Another technique is to reframe your thoughts and words in a more positive light. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by a task, instead of “I can’t do this,” try reframing your thought to “this may be challenging, but I can do hard things.” By changing the way you think and speak about a situation, you can shift your mindset and approach it with a more positive attitude.

It’s also important to practice self-compassion when talking back to the brain. Instead of beating yourself up for negative thoughts or mistakes, try to approach yourself with kindness and understanding and realize, it is like learning a new language. The language of how you speak to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a close friend or loved one, with empathy and support.

Finally, it’s important to remember that talking back to the brain is an ongoing process. It takes time and practice to develop new thinking habits and patterns. Be patient with yourself and be sure to really celebrate small victories along the way.

In conclusion, learning how to talk back to the brain is an essential skill for maintaining mental health and well-being. By becoming aware of negative thoughts, challenging them, reframing them, practicing self-compassion, and being patient with yourself, you can regain control of your thoughts and emotions and live a more fulfilling life.